彦と千のthousand thoughts
Profile
Generally made up of protein, water and various minerals, with diminishing oil reserves around the mid zone. Has been contributing to global warming for 25 years and trying hard to reduce the footprint now. Male, atheist, geek, savour good food and caught in rat race.
Links
Blackjettas
Bobo Bimbo
Brenda
Cheeserland
Eamonn
Four Feet Nine
Geraldine
Jay Vee
Jian Shin
Jolene
Kenny Sia
Ki Jin
Li Ann
Lie Peh
Maddox
Michael Ooi
Post Secret
Richmond
dSiant
Sandra
Shelvin
Sherlyn
Sue
Suet Li
Wingz
Yan Yan
Yee Bing
Can't find something?
History
- October 2005
- November 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- February 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- June 2006
- July 2006
- August 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- November 2006
- December 2006
- January 2007
- February 2007
- March 2007
- April 2007
- May 2007
- June 2007
- July 2007
- August 2007
- September 2007
- October 2007
- November 2007
- December 2007
- January 2008
- February 2008
- March 2008
- April 2008
- May 2008
- June 2008
- July 2008
- August 2008
- September 2008
- October 2008
- November 2008
- December 2008
- January 2009
- February 2009
- March 2009
- April 2009
- May 2009
- June 2009
- July 2009
- October 2009
Tools
Blogger
Blog Action Day
Deviantart
Facebook
Frienster
My Blog Log
Project Petaling Street
Rice Bowl Journals
vehemency
Saturday, January 24, 2009, 3:36 pm
So old school, but still so good at times.I Miss You - Blink 182
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]
(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]
Friday, January 02, 2009, 12:06 am
It's 2009. So, what's up?I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot of people actually know I don't really enjoy my current job, yet I still manage to drag on up to this very date, about 2 years and 9 months. Why am I still staying there? Well, other than forcing myself to learn every little things here and there, and to tame my very (used-to-be) lousy temper, I was actually contract bounded for a time period.
It's now time that I actually come to the end of this contract. About time for me to move on. Finally. After all, I never liked it here. Been through a lot of lousy moment, but that doesn't mean there aren't no sweet sides too. But I have lost my sparks, and I still couldn't light up here with this company.
I didn't expect so many bumps in 2008, yet, those are the times which I actually gain more experience in dealing with situation, people and myself. Not a bad one, I say. I grew up. I've been getting a little comfortable here in the hell hole. Still, I can't get too comfortable with something, someone gotta move my piece of cheese.
Life is not a fairy tale, it is made of determination, hard work and choices. We make choices day and night, with everyone, everything. It is like a cross road every time. Left, right or center, each path will leads to even more choices. And of course, life is not a fairy tale, not all choices, in some cases, no choice will have happy ending. But still, we can't just stand still. The show must go on.
I might need to take risk here. Economy is getting shittier, but I think is better than getting caught in the same old rat race. Hello 2009! I welcome you to grow me more with more challenges.
Labels: career suicide, emolt, everyday thing, thoughts provoking
Thursday, December 18, 2008, 9:23 am
Well, 2008 is not technically over yet... But it is about time to do a review, again.After looking back at the resolution I had the beginning of the year, it was found that I had pretty much screwed up, again.
Not that I have any thing to blame on, but this year is kind of bad for me. Things changes dramatically and so many events unforeseen. Tired, but after all, this is just parts and parcels of life.
Lets see, I broke up with my almost-5-years GF. I guess we grew up and goals changes, sparks no longer bright and things do go our way any more. I guess leaving each other is better than force ourselves to go on.
I sold Ariena, reason being she's old and worn and my company is offering a car. Guess it's time to lose her too.
I got myself another gf which is now in the "It's complicated" stage. Well, what to do?
Working environment has change since a change of colleagues. There isn't a direct definition of good or bad, but well, who moved my cheese?
I read too much, to the extend of 3 books in a week (while maintaining the normal life of working and grinding). That is where all my spending goes by the way, that concludes why I am so broke this year. Well indulged in food, book and traveling a little too much. At this time of economy? Ouch.
Guess that is just a way to offset my tough luck this year. A lot of obstacles, a lot. But if it doesn't kill me, it makes me stronger!
I don't think I will write again, at least not for 2008. (I am just being lazy)
Labels: El Geeko, emolt, everyday thing
Friday, November 14, 2008, 11:55 pm
Seriously... I need some of them. My supply is depleted. Zero, nil, none left....Let it be horse shoe, rabbit foot or four-leaf clover.... something....
Been fucking tough on all the things going on. It's ok if it is against my expected result, but to the extend that it create so much aftershock?
Gosh, I wish I can jump into a pool of mercury and go mad.
Labels: emolt, whine tasting
Friday, October 31, 2008, 11:00 pm
Treat or trick?and yea, where is my corn candy?
Thursday, October 16, 2008, 9:32 pm
I really should be getting up and walking strong again, after this emotional fall..but can I?
Labels: *heart*, emolt, post+1 braincell -1
Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 10:14 pm
你說你很珍惜我所給的，可是感覺卻不能表達，
唯有的是假裝，
不要一直傷害著我。
勉強下去已經不是辦法，
兩個人兩棵不同的心，
為繼續而繼續，
最終還是傷害彼此。
明知道最終還是沒有結果，
倒不如自己親手結束這幕，
一個人的勉強，
兩個人的痛苦，
我寧願讓你活得開心，
讓你去尋找你的未來。
我知道你已經沒有了心，
失去了愛意勉強繼續，
只不過是為了
不想要傷害我的心。
明知道最終還是沒有結果，
倒不如自己親手結束這幕，
一個人的勉強，
兩個人的痛苦，
我寧願讓你活得開心，
讓你去尋找你的未來。
詞,曲:yanchyuan
---
p/s: the thought of writing down my situation just somehow pop into my mind. I want to remember how it happened. But why in Mandarin, and song lyrics form? Seriously I don't know. I was humming some tunes and decided to put lyrics into them and there it goes. Some things just come that way. So after I reach home the same day in the evening. I start typing what I could remember down, fine tune it a bit and that is what you get to read up there. Also, it is raining cats and dogs here right now. I am sure tomorrow gonna be one heck of a traffic jam. I still miss her.
2:14 pm
是否很惊讶讲不出说话没错我是说你想分手吗
曾给你驯服得就像绵羊
何解会反咬你一下你知吗
也许该分清不应再说话
被放弃的我应有此报吗
如果我曾是个坏牧羊人
能否再让我试一下抱一下
回头望伴你走
从来未曾幸福过
恨太多没结果往事重提是折磨
下半生陪住你
怀疑快乐也不多
被我伤让你痛
好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
为何唱着这首歌
为怨恨而分手问你是否原谅我
若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破
回头吧不要走不要这样离开我
恨太多没结果往事重提是折磨
下半生陪住你
怀疑快乐也不多
没有心别再拖
好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
为何唱着这首歌
为怨恨而分手问你是否原谅我
若勉强也分到不多
不如什么都割破
好心分手没结果
可知歌者也奈何
难捱就无谓再拖
好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
为何唱着这首歌
为怨恨而分手问你是否原谅我
若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破
Thursday, August 28, 2008, 10:54 am
...because I don't know where to go anymore :(Labels: emolt
Monday, August 18, 2008, 9:48 pm
Attracted when I first met you,
standing in front of your house,
in your oversized red wind breaker.
Things come and go and we learn to love,
we rely on each other through the dawn and dusk,
keeping each other up like two collapsing pillars.
Over the time we had been together,
19 seasons come and go,
we used to call each other dearest.
Time washes everything,
statues rot and building fall,
even the love faded like bleached bones.
We were so close yet so far,
we leave without much words,
neither happy nor sad.
I am cleaning up my closet,
the cloths, the emotion debris, the happiness I had,
I am going to give them away,
to the people that need them.
What comes up must come down,
what excites me and you no longer there,
but why burn the bridge?
I miss Gippsland as much as I miss the good old days,
driving in the dark with Arvil's voice filling the silence,
back from the happy trip to Melbourne.
I need to grow up,
I need to learn how to leave something beside,
so I am cleaning up my closet today.
-------
Foot note:
Just in case some of you still do not know. I have already broken up with the girl I once loved, you know who she is.
But that has been a while, I was keeping it under the rug, but you can keep a secret like this forever right?
Anyway, I am now a happy person with someone else loving me just as much as I love them.
additional note: why the fuck all the emo songs played at this time when I am blogging.
Labels: emolt
Friday, August 15, 2008, 9:31 am
...or I just lost my sparks?Labels: emolt, post+1 braincell -1
Friday, January 18, 2008, 9:24 pm
Sadly, still haven't get a machine to run. I am semi cut off. Thank godness for my ipod.Labels: El Geeko, emolt, iPlog, post+1 braincell -1
Wednesday, January 09, 2008, 9:29 pm
Not long after JS lost his lover, my old 6 years old soulmate departed me too. It is sad as she had travelled and lived with me for all my duration when I lived in Australia. Travelling along with me to many different places all over malaysia, and spent countless nights keeping me accompanied.She is always with me for all my happy, sad, excited, glorious, and many other walks of life.
Yesterday was the last time i interacted with her. Due to some unwanted issue, she need to follow me to my workplace for a look. I was not entirely happy to bring her there, althought secretly i knew the colleagues would definately be envious. I got her prepared, to pack along with other documents and she went to sleep after that.
The next morning, she quietly followed my up the car. She sits at the passenger seat in total silent. And I still though she must just be more quiet than other days. Upon reaching office, she only sat at the corner without making a sound. After all my morning paperwork chores, I try to wake her up. Who knows, all she is able to do now is sob quietly, then die off. I can hear her silent scream, her brain stopped working immediately. I shock her shouler hard but she remain motionless. There is no more spirits in her eyes. She is gone. She has left me without giving me a chance to say good bye.
I now bid you farewell, my beloved. You have served me well, my Dell laptop.
I blame JS for such an inspiration for this love story from his version.
well, bye bye PC, hello Mac.
Labels: El Geeko, emolt, everyday thing, iPlog
Sunday, November 18, 2007, 1:42 am
We live everyday like we are instructed to, get to work on time, eat lunch at 12 to 1, you must take out the shoe when you enter one's house, bla bla bla. Can you break out of the norm?
For once, let your inner child out and enjoy the life like it is meant to be?
Worry nothing that actually bother us. Screw your boss, your worry, your time limit, your due dates, your loans.
Let your innocence come back to you, and you can see that life is still beautiful.
Labels: emolt, everyday thing, post+1 braincell -1
Monday, October 29, 2007, 10:39 pm
Ever had that feeling that you feel like being alone, just alone for a while?Something, somehow, got into me. I don't know what is that, just had this kind of feeling out of a sudden. Cutting off self from everything, listening to only music I like, walking at my own pace rubbing shoulder with every other stranger?
Mid Valley on a Monday evening seems like a good place for that. Not much a crowd. Slowly strolling at my own pace. Window shop pointlessly around here and there, breathing the recycled air and let my mind go blank.
It just happen to be I am emoing.
Labels: emolt
Monday, September 24, 2007, 9:02 pm
She stop moving at 113117th count.She refuse to record from then on.
Because her brain is dead.
Her neighbor has not give up,
dutifully measuring the heart rate of hers.
But she does not care,
because her emotion is dead.
She is moving, physically,
as fast as her heart has taken her,
but she did not register what is going on,
because her senses are dead.
She has been there,
unable to go on.
She is mentally dead,
she will not know what happened.
---------------
Just being emo for Sendy. Her speedometer malfunctioned yesterday. :(
Labels: El Geeko, emolt, whine tasting
Monday, September 17, 2007, 11:53 pm
Nothing much, except that I will be heading north towards Ipoh, Penang and Kedah again. Nothing excited anymore, instead, I felt a little tired. But well, since I am not the boss, there isn't anything I can demand for except working my head off and get underpaid can no complains. Great.Labels: away from home, career suicide, emolt
Thursday, April 05, 2007, 10:19 am
...No, I haven't quit blogging. I am just lazy. This is just a filler for the sake of making it looks a little livelier than it should.But what had happen to me lately?
Well, working lifelessly, GW vigorously, neopetting, struggling for more gold, freedom and the will to live with a meaning.
Working for over 9 hours a day, with another 2 hours spend in traveling, adding on another 8 for sleep, what do I have left? 5 hours.
Where art thou, time o'thy?
Where are thou, life o'thy?
Things are getting messier, the other half is getting demanding, I am getting bored.
I need a great escape.
Labels: career suicide, emolt, everyday thing
Monday, March 12, 2007, 10:05 pm
During home from office at 9:21 pm, with Britrock (Coldplay, Muse, Oasis and Blur only, just wanna generalise them) playing in the car audio. The MRR2 feels awfully lonely, like as if I am playing some Console Driving Sim where everything moves, but they are just plain AI (must be me overindulged in game).The MRR2 is long. Cruising at average speed of 100kmph, and for no apparent reason, maybe I am bored, I move and turn my head around. And a nostalgic feeling strikes me. The side window, thee orange light, the peaceful ambiance, the moving picture. It feels so fun looking at it again. (Don't try this. Driving at 100kmph and looking sidewards is NOT safe).
I miss that kind of feeling of looking calmly at the window, the scenery scrolling sidewards. Ever since I know how to drive (and that is like... 8 years ago), I took the leading role, heading directly towards the destination.
Many of us are like so, if we have a set target, we will move towards it, looking at the front so hard that sometimes we miss those wonderful moment passing us, without us noticing, until too late. Yes, achieving our goal is important, but the process of getting there is just equally important.
Looking back, I wish I had pay more attention to different details. Sometimes, the smallest flower by the roadside can be as wonderful as the mega structures. Time to enjoy my ride.
I slow down my driving speed, scroll down the window and taste the night, cold breeze brushing my face, enjoying more britrocks and cruise my way home.
Labels: emolt, everyday thing
Monday, January 29, 2007, 11:00 pm
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...
I can listen to this song again and again and again and again and again...
So slow, so sad, so emo.
Boston by Augustana, wanna buy me their album? pretty please? (a)
Labels: emolt, everyday thing