彦と千のthousand thoughts
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Generally made up of protein, water and various minerals, with diminishing oil reserves around the mid zone. Has been contributing to global warming for 25 years and trying hard to reduce the footprint now. Male, atheist, geek, savour good food and caught in rat race.
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vehemency
Tuesday, November 22, 2005, 12:54 am
1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're abig girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are
not considered by us to be opportunities to see if
we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
more attractive than short hair. One of the big
reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair, and by then you're
stuck with her.
6. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do
not work! Just say it!
7. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
10. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for.
11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.
12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 7 days.
13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
14. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
15. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
17. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want it done. Not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.
19. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions,
and neither do we.
20. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first two months we were going out. Get
over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
23. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of
how little we care about you.
24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as video
games, chicks, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
27. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
(Unless it's Jackie Chan or some action flick
where it doesn't really matter what they're saying
anyway.)
28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for
you.